that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
