No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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