What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
