There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
