I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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