I heard we made out
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
