a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
