he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
