I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
