There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Still dying that you shit outside
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
