I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
