I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
