You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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