Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
