in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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