some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
