We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
