Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
