i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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