Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
