Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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