You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
