so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just tell him i said nine months
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
