by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
