Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
