i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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