i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
