i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
