What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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