I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize