he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
