Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
