can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
