Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
