Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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