3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
