I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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