You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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