Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
