I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
