would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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