i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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