i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You are a genius and a whore.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
