you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
