And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
