Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize