Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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