This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
