You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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