I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
