i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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