We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can I color on your dick again?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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