thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
