it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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