HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
