Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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