No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this just has baby written all over it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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