Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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