I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We need to get me chipped asap
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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