Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
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When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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