dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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