I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
