So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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