I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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