Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
