Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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